Life Without Fear- Overcoming the Obstacle that is Self-Doubt
Fearing something that can physically hurt you makes sense. Snakes, bears, falling from high altitudes, etc. So why is it so often we fear things that do NOT physically hurt us? Raising our hand in school, telling the person we like that we’re interested in them, wearing a certain outfit that we like out in public. Why do we avoid these things also? It’s not because they will damage us on the outside, but somewhere on the inside. Our confidence, sense of self-worth, and/or the image of us in others’ eyes. We are putting ourselves out there for others to see and judge, and this is what is truly terrifying for most. The difference in overcoming these types of fears is not caring so much. Gaining our own sense of self and being comfortable with ourselves as our own individuals is how we aim to conquer these types of fears (although these fears never go away completely). This can be a scary concept, but the tips below will help you work to overcome them and guide you towards not relying so heavily on others for gratification:
Become well acquainted with yourself first. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? What does this person do for fun? What are their beliefs? What do they feel strongly about? What are their passions? Not knowing these answers leads to a variety of problems, from the outside world and from within. Grounding yourself in who you are helps you realize that you are your own person. You do not have to, and do not want to, be like everyone else. Your emotions and passions are your own and you are you for a reason.
Talking positively to yourself is the most important thing anyone could do to help overcome these fears. The power of positive self-talk is so important in building up the courage to not care about other people’s thoughts of you. You will no longer depend so heavily on their opinions to determine your worth. An episode from a podcast I enjoy, Journey to Launch, had a featured guest that coined our thoughts as “soundtracks”, and talked about how we play the same thoughts and sounds and pictures over and over in our head. Being cognizant of what soundtrack we are playing and “changing the station” if that soundtrack is not encouraging us is very important in not overthinking our situations and talking ourselves out of the opportunities in front of us. It actually turns overthinking into a “superpower”. If you are interested, the link to this specific episode from the podcast is here. You are facing so many challenges and oppositions in the world on a day-to-day basis. Attacking yourself isn’t something you should have to deal with also. Negative thoughts about your own capabilities can, and will, hinder everything you want to accomplish in life without anyone else telling you that you can’t do it. Why be your own obstacle? Telling yourself positive things, complimenting yourself every day, and seeing your beauty with your own eyes is not selfish or narcissistic. It is a building block in becoming so self-confident that you do not care what others say about you. You know your worth and you understand your goals.
After the most important thing you can do is the hardest thing that you need to do- get comfortable with being uncomfortable. How is this contradiction even possible, you ask? By constantly finding things that challenge you or make you uncomfortable so that you are making yourself comfortable with accepting challenges. Just like learning how to roller-skate, cooking a new recipe, parallel parking (very uncomfortable, especially with people in the car), you get comfortable with it after a couple times. Apply this to your professional life; speaking in public, dealing with upset customers or clients, promoting your new business or service, these things get easier with repetition. Soon enough, you’ll be doing these so often, you’ll be looking for new ways to challenge yourself. This segues perfectly into my next tip.
Acknowledging that you are always working to be better is KEY in getting over these inner fears. Perfection is not possible, and this is even more so on your first try at anything. Doing your own research, asking for advice, taking notes, etc., is of course very helpful too, but it is when you put yourself out there and do that thing yourself that you get perspective of what it feels like to complete that task. You become more and more comfortable with it and, if you end up liking it or not, you now have that experience. No one can take that away from you, especially those that have not tried it themselves. This is another confidence booster.
In the end, acknowledging what is holding you back helps you determine what you are really scared of. Are you scared of someone saying that your outfit looks dumb on you or are YOU the one telling yourself that your outfit looks dumb on you? Does your business team telling you that your innovative idea towards solving a new issue isn’t going to work terrify you or are you not confident enough in your problem-solving skills to bring up the idea in the first place? We are often the ones holding ourselves back because of our own insecurities. We’re not even giving others a chance to see how good we are or could be in the new thing we want to try. Breaking this negative hold we have on our own abilities will produce so many new opportunities in the long run that it’ll be too exciting to bear. Again, a scary concept, but with frighteningly bountiful rewards.
